A Cynical Look at the Holidays

We all know that it's holiday season. Yes, the most stressful, but supposedly the most cheerful time of year. People try to stretch their wallets in an attempt to buy people's happiness. Brilliant. That sounds lovely.

Instead of showing love by hugs and kisses, we show our love by how much money we spend and what we spend it on. Sometimes it would be better (not to mention cheaper) to tell someone "I love you" than to buy a heart-shaped diamond necklace to say it for you....or to not say it.

Maybe we're just trying to find a way around saying what we want (or don't want, but think we should) say to each other. Maybe that necklace is supposed to make her feel that you love her, but even though you may want to, you don't. Or maybe that brand new ipod touch for you daughter who you never talk to is supposed to make her feel like you're there for her all the time and that you care about her, and maybe you're trying to make up for all the times she gets in the car and you're on a conference call, but really, you know nothing is going to change between the two of you.

It's almost like the gift and the money are supposed to trick someone from discovering the truth about how you feel. Like a diversion. It's disguised by bows and wrapping paper and fluff and all so you won't be found out. "Well surely after she gets this, she won't need me to tell her I love her...because I don't." All so that no one discovers your little secret.

It's a cynical way to look at things, I know. And maybe I'm completely wrong. But all I've been seeing lately is a ton of traffic around the malls, crowded parking lots, scuffed shoes, stressed faces, and crying children. People honk more on our way to school in the mornings, and it's harder and harder to merge because no one will let us in.

Now, is that what the holidays should do to us? Make us rude and inconsiderate and dishonest?

 I doubt that all this was part of the plan.

I mean, where is the love?

Who is Qin and why should I know him?

Holiday break arrived with the playing of games and the laughter of friends....and the ending of exams!

Finally!

I calculated my hours of studying for my 5 exams, each 2.5 hours, and I got to (duh dum dum): 37.33 hours of studying in less than one week. Whew. That's a lot. At least for me.

And as I was studying, I came up with another great metaphor for the school system/administration.

Pictured above is Qin Shihuangdi (I wouldn't check that spelling if I were you; I know it's not right). He doesn't look too nice, does he? Nope. Well he's not.

 Long story short, he is the self-proclaimed emperor who started the Qin Dynasty in China in the Classical Era (around 600BCE). His rule is characterized by harsh punishments and grueling public works projects, like the building of his tomb, which is famous for it's life sized terra cotta warriors.

The building of such incredible works caused ill will among the people and led to rebellions and such that eventually ended his rule.

Now how do you feel about him right now? You don't like old Qin, do you? You think he's mean and unfair and he got what he deserved, right?

Now let's generate all those angry feelings towards the school system.

Well, here's when the metaphor comes in. Bear with me here (yes, it's bear not bare. I looked it up), the school system is like Qin, and we, the students, are like the workers being forced into doing ridiculous tasks that don't benefit us at all (AKA building tombs=doing homework).

What I'm trying to say is that all of our "ill will" is eventually going to boil over, and we will rebel! I hope! Better be soon!

All I know is I'm way to burnt out from exams to start this whole rebellion, so someone else needs to start it!

The Ex Problem

   Last Saturday night, I went to a birthday party (yes, people my age still have birthday parties). There was food, dancing, singing, laughter, photos, the usual. So I was with some of my girlfriends, enjoying myself, feeling like a dancing queen, laughing at some jokes that are only funny on late nights, singing with a fake microphone in my hands, and then, through the crowd, in mid sentence, I saw....my ex.

   Oh great. Not that we're enemies or anything, but after our 6 month relationship (which is a long time for high schoolers), we didn't end on a good note. At all.

   Now whenever I see him, I'm not sure whether to avert my eyes or pretend I don't see him or try to look extra pretty and giggly or wave and smile. It's just this uncomfortable phase, and neither of us seem to know what to do. We do know one thing: neither of us are talking to eachother. Normally this awkward stage after relationships ends after a month or so, then it's just over. For us, it's not so smooth.

It's been 9 months.

    It would be easier just not to see him at all, but going to the same school, a small school, doesn't make that possible.

So we just continued or odd routine of not talking to eachother but taking turns staring at one another across the room. And we probably will continue it for a long time to come.