So, Homecoming is this weekend. I can't exactly say I'm excited. I mean, the music is terrible, the dancing is nonexistant, and I know that there will be a ridiculous amount of grinding going on.
For those of you who are thinking, "Grinding? What is grinding? Like cheese?" I have some very sad news for you. No, grinding is...well...it's awkward to explain. It's a girl rubbing her backside up against a guy's frontside. Yeah. Awkward. And kids do it and call it dancing. Trust me, it's not dancing. It's disgusting. Especially for freshmen to see a bunch of seniors grinding, it's quite scarring for a naive 14-year-old.
And besides averting my eyes as fellow classmates try out grinding for themselves, I know that I will experience severe disappointment upon watching the dance floor clear out at 11:30 so people can go get drunk at afterparties.
And even worse, on Monday morning, I will see extremely hungover faces all day and hear bits and pieces of stories about wild parties and how "John had 4 shots in 3 minutes" or how "she threw up all over the floor" or even "then we had sex."
Yep. That's all normal conversation the week after homecoming. And I will have to hear all of it and turn away in disgust. Even my friends, good people, good kids. Even they will fall victim to peer pressure and will eventually give in.
Now you see why I'm not all that excited for this weekend?
So, now you ask what you are supposed to do about all this?
Well, you can
a) make your child stay home from the dance (which is kind of cruel)
b) let your kid go to the dance and go to whatever afterparties he/she wants to and let them suffer the consequences
c) let your kid go to the dance and one after party that you approve of---talk to the parents of the kid who is hosting the party, or have your kid call you when they leave the dance and when they leave the party or even every hour to make sure they're okay
I would say C is the best option, but it's up to you.
I'll let you know how it all goes.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Cheater Cheater Pants on Fire...wait, that's not right
I know of a lot of people in school who cheat.
When you ask most of them why, they say, "I don't know. Because I wanted to chill out."
I also know of a lot of people who don't cheat.
But when you ask most of them why they don't, they say, "I don't know. Because they told me not to."
Well, honestly then, the people that don't cheat are just cheaters who follow the rules.
Basically, they would cheat if they knew they would never got caught.
That's bad.
Alright, not to get too scholarly on you, but we're learning about philosophies and religion in World History, and now I'm starting to think about Legalism and Confucianism.
Legalism: maintain order and control through fear, strict laws, and harsh punishmenmts
People obey out of fear, not will
Confucianism: people are focused on becoming morally good people and reaching state of "superior being," emphasized doing the right thing and following a righteous leader's example, maintain order by making people morally driven, have shame if they don't do what is expected/right
So, keeping in mind the above, which tacics do you think the school systems use to discourage cheating?
Legalism? Yeah I think so, too.
It's not their moral code and sense of shame that keeps them from cheating, it's their fear of punishment.
But what is that teaching us? To learn how to "get away with it."
I mean, why bother following a law or a rule if you're only doing it so you won't get caught? Don't you have to believe in it and agree with it a little more than that?
The answer: yes!
Not cheating and being fair should be instilled in us as part of our character. It's one of the best lessons we can learn as teens. But unfortunately, too many school emphasize the wrong thing, and we keep getting the same message:
"Don't cheat!"
Who? Us
What? Cheating
Where? In school
When? 8am-3pm
Why? Uhh...I don't know
So, what can you do to give your kid some moral direction?
Talk to them!
Ask about how they feel about integrity and cheating.
Ask why they think they shouldn't cheat and if it really matters to them.
Ask what cheating is...and not just in a school setting (after all, this isn't just for school)
Let them know that you take it seriously, and more importantly, WHY you do.
Bottom Line: Teach us integrity for life, not just for now.
When you ask most of them why, they say, "I don't know. Because I wanted to chill out."
I also know of a lot of people who don't cheat.
But when you ask most of them why they don't, they say, "I don't know. Because they told me not to."
Well, honestly then, the people that don't cheat are just cheaters who follow the rules.
Basically, they would cheat if they knew they would never got caught.
That's bad.
Alright, not to get too scholarly on you, but we're learning about philosophies and religion in World History, and now I'm starting to think about Legalism and Confucianism.
Legalism: maintain order and control through fear, strict laws, and harsh punishmenmts
People obey out of fear, not will
Confucianism: people are focused on becoming morally good people and reaching state of "superior being," emphasized doing the right thing and following a righteous leader's example, maintain order by making people morally driven, have shame if they don't do what is expected/right
So, keeping in mind the above, which tacics do you think the school systems use to discourage cheating?
Legalism? Yeah I think so, too.
It's not their moral code and sense of shame that keeps them from cheating, it's their fear of punishment.
But what is that teaching us? To learn how to "get away with it."
I mean, why bother following a law or a rule if you're only doing it so you won't get caught? Don't you have to believe in it and agree with it a little more than that?
The answer: yes!
Not cheating and being fair should be instilled in us as part of our character. It's one of the best lessons we can learn as teens. But unfortunately, too many school emphasize the wrong thing, and we keep getting the same message:
"Don't cheat!"
Who? Us
What? Cheating
Where? In school
When? 8am-3pm
Why? Uhh...I don't know
So, what can you do to give your kid some moral direction?
Talk to them!
Ask about how they feel about integrity and cheating.
Ask why they think they shouldn't cheat and if it really matters to them.
Ask what cheating is...and not just in a school setting (after all, this isn't just for school)
Let them know that you take it seriously, and more importantly, WHY you do.
Bottom Line: Teach us integrity for life, not just for now.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
What are guys thinking half the time?
Question for all you mothers out there:
What is the difference between guys and girls?
Very broad question, I know, but I really want to hear what your opinions are on this subject. See, today, I hung out with a guy (which I don't normally do, like ever), and he asked me to the school dance as friends. We talked a lot about guys vs. girls.
Who's simpler? Who is more analytical? What will make a girl cry? Why do guys do outside of school and what drives them to do it? What will make a girl forgive you? What are the rules that guys have for each other concerning girls? And vice versa.
It was really interesting to hear the guy's perspective on all these things. I mean, what are guys thinking about all the time? Seriously. They may seem very non-complex, but at the same time, us girls never seem to understand them. They flirt with us, then go out with someone else. They tell us to go away, then ask us out. I don't get it. It's a lot like the movie "He's just not that into you."
But really, this time I need some advice and some answers from you! Help me out here. And if you have a teenage son, tell him to communicate not just over text, but also in person and to give girls chocolate! That's what gets us!! And for the mothers with daughters, tell them not to overanalyze every word that a guy says and every little thing that he does. If he brushes back his hair with his hands or just shakes his head to get it to move out of his eyes, it probably doesn't mean anything different. I learned that much today at least.
What is the difference between guys and girls?
Very broad question, I know, but I really want to hear what your opinions are on this subject. See, today, I hung out with a guy (which I don't normally do, like ever), and he asked me to the school dance as friends. We talked a lot about guys vs. girls.
Who's simpler? Who is more analytical? What will make a girl cry? Why do guys do outside of school and what drives them to do it? What will make a girl forgive you? What are the rules that guys have for each other concerning girls? And vice versa.
It was really interesting to hear the guy's perspective on all these things. I mean, what are guys thinking about all the time? Seriously. They may seem very non-complex, but at the same time, us girls never seem to understand them. They flirt with us, then go out with someone else. They tell us to go away, then ask us out. I don't get it. It's a lot like the movie "He's just not that into you."
But really, this time I need some advice and some answers from you! Help me out here. And if you have a teenage son, tell him to communicate not just over text, but also in person and to give girls chocolate! That's what gets us!! And for the mothers with daughters, tell them not to overanalyze every word that a guy says and every little thing that he does. If he brushes back his hair with his hands or just shakes his head to get it to move out of his eyes, it probably doesn't mean anything different. I learned that much today at least.
Monday, September 5, 2011
The Lunch Table...
Most mothers consider lunch to be just a normal part of the day. You eat. You talk. Then you go back to work. In a teenager's case, it's a bit different. To most people, lunch is everything, and where you sit can mean the difference between being prom queen and being dumped in the trashcan.
But there's no mobility between the classes...sorry...tables (just finished World History reading). Sitting at a different lunch table is like crossing boundaries into enemy territory. Literally. You don't want to mess with those plaid clad girls. They can get pretty fierce defending their turf.
First, as you start walking over to the table, red tray in hand, or worse: a bagged lunch, you get a general stare in your direction, as if to say, "You must be going past us." Then, you inch a bit closer, take a huge deep breath, and set the tray down at the empty seat on the end of the table.
That's when it gets bad. The dropped jaws and bulging eyes are definitely a bad sign. You shrug and grin and say with your voice as not shaky as you can manage, "Hey, it's a free country! I'm Mary.What's your name?" Even though you know full well what their names are. But they're still glaring as you open up your crinkling brown bag in their silence. You weren't expecting a reply on the first day.
The rest of lunch you continue to be the center of conversation, although, you're never actually included in it. They sneer and gape and whisper beneath their manicured hands. And you, for goodness sakes, just keep munching on your PB and J, pretending to be oblivious, though the fragments you hear are really cutting your self-confidence down to an all time low.
At the end of lunch (you can't believe you made it through the whole 45 minutes), you get up, say "Bye guys" as if you've been best friends all along, throw your bag away, and walk off to the next class alone, all the while knowing that tomorrow you will be sitting with them again. Because you have to.
Alright, maybe it's not THAT bad, but you get the point. But why does it have to be that way? Why are you always defined by who you sit with, yet you can't sit anywhere but where you are already sitting? Why do you have to stay confined in one little seat at one little table when there's the whole cafeteria to explore? Why do other people make the rules about where you sit? Why not you? And then, why does poor Mary even want to sit with those people? What can she gain from changing her place on the social spectrum? Friends like those girls? They seemed real nice...not.
Anyway, as always, this has turned into a rant, but there will be more on lunch tables and on popularity later.
But there's no mobility between the classes...sorry...tables (just finished World History reading). Sitting at a different lunch table is like crossing boundaries into enemy territory. Literally. You don't want to mess with those plaid clad girls. They can get pretty fierce defending their turf.
First, as you start walking over to the table, red tray in hand, or worse: a bagged lunch, you get a general stare in your direction, as if to say, "You must be going past us." Then, you inch a bit closer, take a huge deep breath, and set the tray down at the empty seat on the end of the table.
That's when it gets bad. The dropped jaws and bulging eyes are definitely a bad sign. You shrug and grin and say with your voice as not shaky as you can manage, "Hey, it's a free country! I'm Mary.What's your name?" Even though you know full well what their names are. But they're still glaring as you open up your crinkling brown bag in their silence. You weren't expecting a reply on the first day.
The rest of lunch you continue to be the center of conversation, although, you're never actually included in it. They sneer and gape and whisper beneath their manicured hands. And you, for goodness sakes, just keep munching on your PB and J, pretending to be oblivious, though the fragments you hear are really cutting your self-confidence down to an all time low.
At the end of lunch (you can't believe you made it through the whole 45 minutes), you get up, say "Bye guys" as if you've been best friends all along, throw your bag away, and walk off to the next class alone, all the while knowing that tomorrow you will be sitting with them again. Because you have to.
Alright, maybe it's not THAT bad, but you get the point. But why does it have to be that way? Why are you always defined by who you sit with, yet you can't sit anywhere but where you are already sitting? Why do you have to stay confined in one little seat at one little table when there's the whole cafeteria to explore? Why do other people make the rules about where you sit? Why not you? And then, why does poor Mary even want to sit with those people? What can she gain from changing her place on the social spectrum? Friends like those girls? They seemed real nice...not.
Anyway, as always, this has turned into a rant, but there will be more on lunch tables and on popularity later.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Back to the Books
"Beep! Beep! Beep!"
Then comes the groan and the terrible realization that this is actually not part of a dream, that it is the beginning of a very real nightmare: the first day of school.
And once your fuzzy head figures that much out, you decide that that alarm is about the worst sound in the entire world. It's bad. Very bad.
But you already know that we hate the first day of school, that we dread it for weeks, that we try to pretend summer is everlasting, that we lie to you about when the first day is. You know all that. But Why? Why do we hate it so much? And How can you help us get through the year? Those are the questions!
Honestly, yes, we do hate school because of the work: the busy-work that bogs us down and doesn't teach us anything. We would much rather spend lazy days by the pool than glue a book to our forehead and a pencil to our hand. That's the simple answer.
But when you think about it, it makes sense. We can actually learn a lot more from our families, our peers, and our own travels and experiences, than we can from lessons in a classroom. Our minds expand far beyond white boards, why not let them? The stress and pressures that accompany school and the emphasis put on getting good grades so you can go to college and make lots of money puts kids in a bad and potentially dangerous "learning environment." For, how can anyone learn under those conditions?
But that's the system. The awful horrible system that's trying to create robots out of humans, perfect students, athletes, artists, and leaders all in one. So, what can you do, as a parent?
For those of you who have teens in high school (or even 8th grade), please do them and yourselves a favor. Go rent or look up or somehow find the movie Race to Nowhere. A mom, yes, a real life mother made a video about the difficulties of being a student in our corrupt society. Maybe it will empower you to talk to the school principal. Get a showing of it at your child's school. Or have a discussion group. Spread the word. Make an effort to reform the system. That will matter so much to your teen. But, at the very least, give your child a break sometimes. Give 'em a hug. Tell them that the bad grade they got on their math test isn't the most important thing in the world and that there may be extra credit. Let them know that you care about them, as a person, not just as a number, not as a GPA. Make sure that they know that their mental and emotional health is more important than getting that A+.
How else can you help relieve some stress and give them a more positive attitude towards school?
Make your teen plan at least one event per month (on the weekend) that he or she is really looking forward to attending. Give them something to look forward to so that they have a brighter look on the year instead of just seeing a pile of work.
Sorry that this back to school post ended up turning into an angry rant against the school systems, but I feel very strongly about this, and although it's almost too late for my class, it may not be for your child's. So put the emphasis on learning, not on grades. Because that's the most important thing.
Then comes the groan and the terrible realization that this is actually not part of a dream, that it is the beginning of a very real nightmare: the first day of school.
And once your fuzzy head figures that much out, you decide that that alarm is about the worst sound in the entire world. It's bad. Very bad.
But you already know that we hate the first day of school, that we dread it for weeks, that we try to pretend summer is everlasting, that we lie to you about when the first day is. You know all that. But Why? Why do we hate it so much? And How can you help us get through the year? Those are the questions!
Honestly, yes, we do hate school because of the work: the busy-work that bogs us down and doesn't teach us anything. We would much rather spend lazy days by the pool than glue a book to our forehead and a pencil to our hand. That's the simple answer.
But when you think about it, it makes sense. We can actually learn a lot more from our families, our peers, and our own travels and experiences, than we can from lessons in a classroom. Our minds expand far beyond white boards, why not let them? The stress and pressures that accompany school and the emphasis put on getting good grades so you can go to college and make lots of money puts kids in a bad and potentially dangerous "learning environment." For, how can anyone learn under those conditions?
But that's the system. The awful horrible system that's trying to create robots out of humans, perfect students, athletes, artists, and leaders all in one. So, what can you do, as a parent?
For those of you who have teens in high school (or even 8th grade), please do them and yourselves a favor. Go rent or look up or somehow find the movie Race to Nowhere. A mom, yes, a real life mother made a video about the difficulties of being a student in our corrupt society. Maybe it will empower you to talk to the school principal. Get a showing of it at your child's school. Or have a discussion group. Spread the word. Make an effort to reform the system. That will matter so much to your teen. But, at the very least, give your child a break sometimes. Give 'em a hug. Tell them that the bad grade they got on their math test isn't the most important thing in the world and that there may be extra credit. Let them know that you care about them, as a person, not just as a number, not as a GPA. Make sure that they know that their mental and emotional health is more important than getting that A+.
How else can you help relieve some stress and give them a more positive attitude towards school?
Make your teen plan at least one event per month (on the weekend) that he or she is really looking forward to attending. Give them something to look forward to so that they have a brighter look on the year instead of just seeing a pile of work.
Sorry that this back to school post ended up turning into an angry rant against the school systems, but I feel very strongly about this, and although it's almost too late for my class, it may not be for your child's. So put the emphasis on learning, not on grades. Because that's the most important thing.
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