Turkey Day

Since most bloggers are posting about Thanksgiving...I'll follow the crowd and do the same. That's what teenagers do, right?

This Thanksgiving was wonderful. Really. Usually there's a lot of yelling and screaming from the revival of long-debated family arguments, lots of traveling, packing and unpacking, cooking, broken dishes, the dropping of the stuffing on the tile floor, cranberry jello mold recipe issues, heated discussions about the tablecloth's flocking (still have no clue what they're talking about), and plenty more.

But this year...everything was the same. The only difference was it was all at our house. Yep. 10 family members ranging from teens to people pushing 90 all crammed around the same table. Yikes. I won't lie, making up the seating chart was a challenge. "He smells bad." "No, they'll get in a fight." "I hope they don't start talking politics." "Can we a play a game after dinner?" "She can't hear a thing, so let's not put them together." "I'm sitting here. Done."

But even with all that, it was still nice to have the family together. Especially after watching a show last night about homeless children and the stuggle that they overcome: living in trucks, not having enough food, dealing with issues like those and still doing school work and community service. They love their families despite their close living quarters, and they admire their parents through it all. It makes me appreciate the quirks that my relatives have and to love them in spite of their flaws.

So even though you may think that we teens just sit at the Thanksgiving table for the food and stay there with our arms crossed and our mouths shut, chances are we are giving our family a good look. And hopefully, we're realizing that you're not so bad after all.

Lingo

"Hey bro what's up"

"Hey man, wanna chill after school?"

"Nah I can't...or I'm gonna bomb that Geo. test tomorrow."

So, how much of that conversation did you understand?

Now how much did you really get?

Well, it's okay. We, as teens, have some weird lingo, but I'm here to help you get it straight (cue heroic music from The Incredibles).

Here are some commonly used words and phrases by teens:
]
I know, right---meaning I agree
dude---friendly way to address someone
I just bombed that----when referring to a test or a task, failed
hott---good looking
texting---writing messsages over the phone
facebooking----communicate via facebook
friend (on fb)---to accept a friend request on facebook
flexin'----showing off
stud/stud muffin----cool person ("What a stud!")
stalking---not like criminal stalking, just paying attention to or texting a lot ("He's so stalking me.")
I'm good---I'm fine, no thanks
bromance---guys in a close friendship
lax bro---guy who plays lacrosse
duh----of course in a sarcastic how-did-you-not-know-that kind of way
ripped----really muscular
stoked---really excited
swagga---a walk or a strut or the way someone carries themselves, style
twitter---site in which you type statuses saying what you're doing or thinking
tweet---a status update or the act of updating your status

Of course, there will always be different words "trending" at each moment, but at least these are some for now. For example, not too long ago, everyone said "uber." "That's uber cool" or you're "uber awesome" or whatever, but now you never hear that anymore. Right now you hear words like the ones above, but in another couple of months, there will probably be a new set words. Sorry, that's just the way it works! Luckily, you can always google them or check on urbandictionary.com, which I'll warn you can be a little racy with a lot of curse words,  but it'll get you what you need.

I didn't even start talking about texting language; that's a whole 'nother story.

"You're Fat"

Here's a tip: when talking to your teenage daughter, don't mention weight. Ever.

As teens, we are very sensitive and very concerned with our appearance. And if you say something like, "That doesn't fit you anymore." We don't take it well.

Basically, in our minds, that translates to "You're fat."


Now, I get it, that's totally not what you are saying. You're making a harmless comment that has more to do with your concern about boys chasing us because of a tight top than with our needing to lose weight.

Unfortunately, you've got to be even more sensitive. We're talking baby-sensitive. Because it's all in the way that we perceive your comments, not necessarily what you actually say.

Right about now, you're thinking, "Well, what? Am I just not supposed to say anything ever because my teen always misunderstands me? That's ridiculous!"

Well, No! Just stay off the topic of weight. It's a sore subject, and it's hard for most of us to hear about. We're already so self-conscious about our bodies. All the time, I hear things like, "I'm fat" or "I need to work out now, that was 200 calories," or "I have to lose like 10 lbs."


Our body images can get seriously low when we're bombarded with too-thin models and barbie doll figures on TV all the time.

The best thing you can do for us is tell us we're beautiful, no matter what shape or size, exactly the way we are. Every girl and woman wants to feel pretty. Help us to feel that way. We need your compliments sometimes, not just our friends'.

Take out those Earphones

"John, can you pass the milk?"

No movement.

"JOHN!"

He lifts up his head and pulls out his earbud. "Are you talking to me?"

Sigh.


Does this sound typical? Probably. Man, that's got to be frustrating.

You probably wonder, why is it that teenager are always plugged in? Either to an ipod or the computer or something. Why are we constantly bombarding ourselves with music and other technologies?

Well, I think for some of us, it's an escape. From what, you ask? Honestly,...from you. I know, that's
 a sad thing to hear. It's one of the things that we have control over in our lives, and we flaunt that freedom to choose what kind of music to listen to and when to listen to it. By listening to it, we are tuning out the real world and escaping into our own for a while, a world where we have all the influence.

Some studies do say that when teens use music to escape all the time, it could be a sign of depression, so just watch out.

There's also a really interesting New York Times articles about the effect that music has on teens. Do explicit songs or songs referencing drugs, sex, or alcohol affect our actions? Are we more likely to do drugs if we listen to songs that glorify them? Well, that's why this article is interesting. It has scientific research to back up theories, so I won't even try to explain it. I'm not qualified. Here's the link: NYT article

Lastly, what kind of music does your teen listen to? Do you know? Well, that's a good thing to find out. I'm not saying go be invasive and look through your kid's ipod, just ask, "What song is that?" Maybe you'll find that you have something in common. Who knows?

Standardized Testing (part 2-what to do about them)

So, now that we've covered how awful standardized testing, let's look at what to do about it.

See if you can get this one right:

You can...
     a) study like crazy and learn everything in the world that you possibly can
     b) blow it off and not study at all
     c) put B for every answer since it's one of the most common answers and hope to get some right
     d) study smart and little by little

I sure hope that you said D (even though B is the most common answer choice)!

There are some really great books, classes, and websites that are really helpful when studying for the PSAT or SAT. And the best part is, you can find and use resources for free. Yes, you heard that correctly. One more time? For free!


Here are a couple of sites/books/etc that you might want to check out for your teen:

kaplan.com

eprep.com

test overview information

collegeboard.com

books

 And literally hundreds more...just google it!

Of course, most of these people will try to sell you something, but there are free options, just keep searching the site. Some of the websites have free practice tests and help sessions in an online chat room every so often. Or other free diagnostics are available.

This isn't exactly a fun process, but know that though these tests are unfair by my standards, there is a way to "crack the code" and do well. Once you learn the formula to doing well (notice I said formula, not information---it's not always about how knowledgeable you are; it's about how well you can take a test), it's no problem!


Good luck studying!

Standardized Testing (part 1--it standardizes us)

The other day was the PSAT, which stands for....practice standardized....ummm. Okay, I'm not exactly sure. But it is a standardized test that high school students take, and depending on how you score, you can be offered scholarships or win scholarship opportunities.

Anyway, to give you a little perspective, this is a three hour test. Yes you read that correctly. It starts at 8am and ends at 11am with only 2 five minute breaks. And no, you are not allowed to leave the room to go to the bathroom, so don't even think about it. If your phone vibrates or a watch beeps, the test proctor must "destroy" your answer sheet. You are not allowed to continue to the test (obviously).

Here's a sample math problem from collegeboard.com for you just to let you have a go at it (try it, it could be fun):

In the figure above, AD is a diameter of the circle with center O and AO = 5. What is the length of arc BCD ?

(A)

(B)

(C)

(D)

(E)

Or if you really hate math, try this question from the writing section:

Identify the error.

Yeah, you thought that was fun? Try 3 hours of it!

Anyway, after taking this, I started thinking about standardized testing in general. How is it fair? How can anyone make a test in which every student has an equal opportunity to do well on it? You can't! And how can the score that we get on this test represent us and identify us in the way that it does? It shouldn't!

Everyone learns, studies, and applies themselves differently. But yet, we are all put under the same conditions while taking it. Standardized testing standardizes us, essentially. It tells us that we are all the same, that we learn the same way, study, and apply ourselves in the same way, and that if Sam does better than Molly on the PSAT, then Sam is smarter. But that may not be true. Maybe Molly is brilliant at Math, but she needs scrap paper and highlighters to solve a problem. Does that make her any dumber? No! But that is precisely what standardized tests tell us--that Sam is smarter.

Now, unfortunately, I have not thought of an alternative to standardized tests...yet. But what I do know, is that we should be tested in a way that is as fair as possible and that tests us in a way that is most beneficial (i.e. not asking about things that we will never use the rest of our lives).

By the way, the answers from above are D and D. Now, when was the last time you needed to know any of that stuff, anyway?


More to come on what to do about standardized tests (cracking the code).

Let's Talk Teen Angst

     Sometimes I feel really lonely and very...forgotten. When I haven't seen my best friend in months, my crush doesn't know I exist, school is stressing me out (PSAT, AP class, new teaching styles that don't work), my parents are busy with work and other stuff, my siblings are busy getting ready for college, during the day I find myself in empty hallways by myself more often than in crowded ones, I just feel kind of alone. I know that I'm blowing it out of proportion and that a lot of people care about me, they are just really busy. But at the same time, knowing what the reality is and how I feel are two different things. Sometimes (always), I can't control how I feel about something, even if I know that how I feel is "wrong."
  
    I had a great today at school today, but after school, when everyone left and I was there waiting to go home, it just went downhill. Horomones can set in at any moment, and unfortunately, today they hit me. You just start to make a mental list of all the bad things in your life, and you feel like everyone is putting a lot of pressure on you, but at the same time, it feels like no one really cares.
   
    And when you're sitting outside on the curb in your neighborhood and the sun is setting and the list just keeps getting longer, and your friend/mentor won't pick up her phone, that's when you start to cry. And you give yourself a few minutes, and you let down your hair so the passing cars don't stop and ask if you're okay. And you just let it out. And after you've had your tears (which can take moments or months depending on the specific situation, depression can result), you start making a list of all the good things in life, and you stand up, dust off the back of your jeans, and walk back to the house.

   At least that's my story. Take it as you will, but every teen, and every person, feels this way at some point in their life. Sometimes it's just something that lasts a day or a week, maybe when you're on your period, and you just have a rough couple of days. But other times, these deep feelings develop into something very serious, like depression. A lot of times teens with depression go undiagnosed because it's not considered serious, it's "just teen angst." But in reality, it's not the severity of the situation that necessarily matters, it's the reaction to it and the feelings that a person has.

  So, to put this is graphical terms (not sure if that makes sense...), I will show you a little what we're doing in math. The y variable (verticle line) depends on the x variable (horizontal line).

   Most people would think that that the situation a person is in goes on the x axis and therfore affects the emotion on the y axis. I think that's true initially. But then I think it flips, so that the emotion and the mindset affects the situation. Becoming depressed can affect your entire life, in school, out of school, all the time.

  Example: A bad day caused by small things (like forgetting your lunch) can affect you emotions. But if you wallow in those emotions and let them eat away at you, then the emotion stats affecting your situation. Maybe you don't do your homework that night because you're just upset. And the next day you don't go to school. Now the emotion is affecting your situation/life.

Bottom Line: Teens all have moments when they just complain. What's important is to differentiate between those times and the times when it really gets serious. Anyone can get depressed; it doesn't take a tragedy. Don't assume your child is okay because he or she doesn't have a "big problem" in life. "Teen Angst," which by the way, definitely isn't a condition restricted to teens, stems from insecurity. So the best thing that you can do for us it show us how much you love us.

More on depression later.