The Perfect Body

I'm sorry to say that I haven't been blogging much lately, as you can probably tell. It has been so super busy, but at the same time, I haven't been all that busy. It's summer. School's out. I shouldn't have to do anything (except summer reading, which I have barely touched, for the record), but I've been feeling like I have a million things to do: reading about colleges, cleaning my room, studying for the ACT/SAT, working out, driving, grocery shopping, reading this book, reading that book, watching this movie, the list continues. After storing up so many things during the year that I said would have to wait until summer, I should be excited that summer has finally come. But I've quite overloaded myself.  I'm trying to remind myself that I have the time to do everything I have to do AND everything I want to do.

Lately, I have found myself doing a lot of lounging by the pool. My sister and I could hardly make it a solid five minutes of tanning, though, because it's just too hot! But as I lay there in my one piece bathing suit, sweating under the sun that's determined to kill me, I notice that every other girl by the pool is wearing a bikini.

I look down at my navy one-piece, which I bought with my friend at the mall a few weeks ago. I liked it then. I still like it.

But when I look at all the other girls with their seemingly perfect beach bods in cute little bikinis, it's a lot harder to like my own body in its one-piece. I think a lot of teenager girls (and guys. Let's not pretend they don't see other guys' muscles) suffer from what I call "I want that" syndrome. "I want that" syndrome, pretty obviously, is the issue of seeing something great and wishing you had it. It requires a bit of low self-esteem, self-consciousness, and, you guessed it, jealousy. This time of year, the "I want that" syndrome most commonly applies to wanting someone else's body.

Of course, this syndrome isn't limited to poolside teens. All kinds of people can suffer from it in all kinds of situations. As a parent, the best thing you can do is remind your daughter or son that the most important thing is to be healthy and that she/he doesn't need to look like everyone else to be beautiful. As long as she/he exercises a normal amount and eats healthy foods that contain the right nutrients, she/he shouldn't be worried. However, it's hard for us, as teens, to realize that. We want the perfect body that's advertised and that everyone seems to have. And chances are, we're not happy until we get it.

If you see signs of an eating disorder or descructive mindset in your child, it's important to get help. Don't underestimate the severity of the effect of the "I want that" syndrome. Get help.

So as your child goes off to the pool this summer, remind her that you love her the way she is and that she should love herself this way, too.

"You're Fat"

Here's a tip: when talking to your teenage daughter, don't mention weight. Ever.

As teens, we are very sensitive and very concerned with our appearance. And if you say something like, "That doesn't fit you anymore." We don't take it well.

Basically, in our minds, that translates to "You're fat."


Now, I get it, that's totally not what you are saying. You're making a harmless comment that has more to do with your concern about boys chasing us because of a tight top than with our needing to lose weight.

Unfortunately, you've got to be even more sensitive. We're talking baby-sensitive. Because it's all in the way that we perceive your comments, not necessarily what you actually say.

Right about now, you're thinking, "Well, what? Am I just not supposed to say anything ever because my teen always misunderstands me? That's ridiculous!"

Well, No! Just stay off the topic of weight. It's a sore subject, and it's hard for most of us to hear about. We're already so self-conscious about our bodies. All the time, I hear things like, "I'm fat" or "I need to work out now, that was 200 calories," or "I have to lose like 10 lbs."


Our body images can get seriously low when we're bombarded with too-thin models and barbie doll figures on TV all the time.

The best thing you can do for us is tell us we're beautiful, no matter what shape or size, exactly the way we are. Every girl and woman wants to feel pretty. Help us to feel that way. We need your compliments sometimes, not just our friends'.