Junior High. Oh good times.
People usually think that high school is a tough time in life, but the real kicker is middle school. It's a rough time for both boys and girls to deal with the changes that their bodies are experiencing, their minds, their voices, their friends, and just about everything else. There are a lot of things coming all at once, and it's a huge adjustment.
That said, there are a billion and one resources for both parents and middle schoolers to read, watch, ask, listen, attend, etc. Whatever you have questions about, chances are someone wrote a book about that exact issue. And if you can't find any information on a certain topic, there are always older kids you can ask (including myself)!
As kids start to be influenced more by their peer groups than by you and your partner, they may have some serious lapses in judgement due to peer pressure and the pressure your son or daughter puts on themselves. The most important advice I can give to you is to help your child be as secure and as confident in themselves as possible. Being comfortable in their own skin, as cliche as it is, is the biggest challenge your child will face in middle school. When you're not there to help them make decisions, they have to start defining themselves as individuals, and although they will (guaranteed) make mistakes, you have to hope that you've taught them who they are.
This has been a very brief introduction to Middle School, and I promise that I will address more topics of concern later! Please leave a comment if you would like me to talk about a certain aspect of middle school.
Also, two fantastic resources for you:
michelleinthemiddle.com
girlology.com
Showing posts with label insecurity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insecurity. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
The Perfect Body
I'm sorry to say that I haven't been blogging much lately, as you can probably tell. It has been so super busy, but at the same time, I haven't been all that busy. It's summer. School's out. I shouldn't have to do anything (except summer reading, which I have barely touched, for the record), but I've been feeling like I have a million things to do: reading about colleges, cleaning my room, studying for the ACT/SAT, working out, driving, grocery shopping, reading this book, reading that book, watching this movie, the list continues. After storing up so many things during the year that I said would have to wait until summer, I should be excited that summer has finally come. But I've quite overloaded myself. I'm trying to remind myself that I have the time to do everything I have to do AND everything I want to do.
Lately, I have found myself doing a lot of lounging by the pool. My sister and I could hardly make it a solid five minutes of tanning, though, because it's just too hot! But as I lay there in my one piece bathing suit, sweating under the sun that's determined to kill me, I notice that every other girl by the pool is wearing a bikini.
I look down at my navy one-piece, which I bought with my friend at the mall a few weeks ago. I liked it then. I still like it.
But when I look at all the other girls with their seemingly perfect beach bods in cute little bikinis, it's a lot harder to like my own body in its one-piece. I think a lot of teenager girls (and guys. Let's not pretend they don't see other guys' muscles) suffer from what I call "I want that" syndrome. "I want that" syndrome, pretty obviously, is the issue of seeing something great and wishing you had it. It requires a bit of low self-esteem, self-consciousness, and, you guessed it, jealousy. This time of year, the "I want that" syndrome most commonly applies to wanting someone else's body.
Of course, this syndrome isn't limited to poolside teens. All kinds of people can suffer from it in all kinds of situations. As a parent, the best thing you can do is remind your daughter or son that the most important thing is to be healthy and that she/he doesn't need to look like everyone else to be beautiful. As long as she/he exercises a normal amount and eats healthy foods that contain the right nutrients, she/he shouldn't be worried. However, it's hard for us, as teens, to realize that. We want the perfect body that's advertised and that everyone seems to have. And chances are, we're not happy until we get it.
If you see signs of an eating disorder or descructive mindset in your child, it's important to get help. Don't underestimate the severity of the effect of the "I want that" syndrome. Get help.
So as your child goes off to the pool this summer, remind her that you love her the way she is and that she should love herself this way, too.
Lately, I have found myself doing a lot of lounging by the pool. My sister and I could hardly make it a solid five minutes of tanning, though, because it's just too hot! But as I lay there in my one piece bathing suit, sweating under the sun that's determined to kill me, I notice that every other girl by the pool is wearing a bikini.
I look down at my navy one-piece, which I bought with my friend at the mall a few weeks ago. I liked it then. I still like it.
But when I look at all the other girls with their seemingly perfect beach bods in cute little bikinis, it's a lot harder to like my own body in its one-piece. I think a lot of teenager girls (and guys. Let's not pretend they don't see other guys' muscles) suffer from what I call "I want that" syndrome. "I want that" syndrome, pretty obviously, is the issue of seeing something great and wishing you had it. It requires a bit of low self-esteem, self-consciousness, and, you guessed it, jealousy. This time of year, the "I want that" syndrome most commonly applies to wanting someone else's body.
Of course, this syndrome isn't limited to poolside teens. All kinds of people can suffer from it in all kinds of situations. As a parent, the best thing you can do is remind your daughter or son that the most important thing is to be healthy and that she/he doesn't need to look like everyone else to be beautiful. As long as she/he exercises a normal amount and eats healthy foods that contain the right nutrients, she/he shouldn't be worried. However, it's hard for us, as teens, to realize that. We want the perfect body that's advertised and that everyone seems to have. And chances are, we're not happy until we get it.
If you see signs of an eating disorder or descructive mindset in your child, it's important to get help. Don't underestimate the severity of the effect of the "I want that" syndrome. Get help.
So as your child goes off to the pool this summer, remind her that you love her the way she is and that she should love herself this way, too.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
"You're Fat"
Here's a tip: when talking to your teenage daughter, don't mention weight. Ever.
As teens, we are very sensitive and very concerned with our appearance. And if you say something like, "That doesn't fit you anymore." We don't take it well.
Basically, in our minds, that translates to "You're fat."
Now, I get it, that's totally not what you are saying. You're making a harmless comment that has more to do with your concern about boys chasing us because of a tight top than with our needing to lose weight.
Unfortunately, you've got to be even more sensitive. We're talking baby-sensitive. Because it's all in the way that we perceive your comments, not necessarily what you actually say.
Right about now, you're thinking, "Well, what? Am I just not supposed to say anything ever because my teen always misunderstands me? That's ridiculous!"
Well, No! Just stay off the topic of weight. It's a sore subject, and it's hard for most of us to hear about. We're already so self-conscious about our bodies. All the time, I hear things like, "I'm fat" or "I need to work out now, that was 200 calories," or "I have to lose like 10 lbs."
Our body images can get seriously low when we're bombarded with too-thin models and barbie doll figures on TV all the time.
The best thing you can do for us is tell us we're beautiful, no matter what shape or size, exactly the way we are. Every girl and woman wants to feel pretty. Help us to feel that way. We need your compliments sometimes, not just our friends'.
As teens, we are very sensitive and very concerned with our appearance. And if you say something like, "That doesn't fit you anymore." We don't take it well.
Basically, in our minds, that translates to "You're fat."
Now, I get it, that's totally not what you are saying. You're making a harmless comment that has more to do with your concern about boys chasing us because of a tight top than with our needing to lose weight.
Unfortunately, you've got to be even more sensitive. We're talking baby-sensitive. Because it's all in the way that we perceive your comments, not necessarily what you actually say.
Right about now, you're thinking, "Well, what? Am I just not supposed to say anything ever because my teen always misunderstands me? That's ridiculous!"
Well, No! Just stay off the topic of weight. It's a sore subject, and it's hard for most of us to hear about. We're already so self-conscious about our bodies. All the time, I hear things like, "I'm fat" or "I need to work out now, that was 200 calories," or "I have to lose like 10 lbs."
Our body images can get seriously low when we're bombarded with too-thin models and barbie doll figures on TV all the time.
The best thing you can do for us is tell us we're beautiful, no matter what shape or size, exactly the way we are. Every girl and woman wants to feel pretty. Help us to feel that way. We need your compliments sometimes, not just our friends'.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Let's Talk Teen Angst
Sometimes I feel really lonely and very...forgotten. When I haven't seen my best friend in months, my crush doesn't know I exist, school is stressing me out (PSAT, AP class, new teaching styles that don't work), my parents are busy with work and other stuff, my siblings are busy getting ready for college, during the day I find myself in empty hallways by myself more often than in crowded ones, I just feel kind of alone. I know that I'm blowing it out of proportion and that a lot of people care about me, they are just really busy. But at the same time, knowing what the reality is and how I feel are two different things. Sometimes (always), I can't control how I feel about something, even if I know that how I feel is "wrong."
I had a great today at school today, but after school, when everyone left and I was there waiting to go home, it just went downhill. Horomones can set in at any moment, and unfortunately, today they hit me. You just start to make a mental list of all the bad things in your life, and you feel like everyone is putting a lot of pressure on you, but at the same time, it feels like no one really cares.
And when you're sitting outside on the curb in your neighborhood and the sun is setting and the list just keeps getting longer, and your friend/mentor won't pick up her phone, that's when you start to cry. And you give yourself a few minutes, and you let down your hair so the passing cars don't stop and ask if you're okay. And you just let it out. And after you've had your tears (which can take moments or months depending on the specific situation, depression can result), you start making a list of all the good things in life, and you stand up, dust off the back of your jeans, and walk back to the house.
At least that's my story. Take it as you will, but every teen, and every person, feels this way at some point in their life. Sometimes it's just something that lasts a day or a week, maybe when you're on your period, and you just have a rough couple of days. But other times, these deep feelings develop into something very serious, like depression. A lot of times teens with depression go undiagnosed because it's not considered serious, it's "just teen angst." But in reality, it's not the severity of the situation that necessarily matters, it's the reaction to it and the feelings that a person has.
So, to put this is graphical terms (not sure if that makes sense...), I will show you a little what we're doing in math. The y variable (verticle line) depends on the x variable (horizontal line).
I had a great today at school today, but after school, when everyone left and I was there waiting to go home, it just went downhill. Horomones can set in at any moment, and unfortunately, today they hit me. You just start to make a mental list of all the bad things in your life, and you feel like everyone is putting a lot of pressure on you, but at the same time, it feels like no one really cares.
And when you're sitting outside on the curb in your neighborhood and the sun is setting and the list just keeps getting longer, and your friend/mentor won't pick up her phone, that's when you start to cry. And you give yourself a few minutes, and you let down your hair so the passing cars don't stop and ask if you're okay. And you just let it out. And after you've had your tears (which can take moments or months depending on the specific situation, depression can result), you start making a list of all the good things in life, and you stand up, dust off the back of your jeans, and walk back to the house.
At least that's my story. Take it as you will, but every teen, and every person, feels this way at some point in their life. Sometimes it's just something that lasts a day or a week, maybe when you're on your period, and you just have a rough couple of days. But other times, these deep feelings develop into something very serious, like depression. A lot of times teens with depression go undiagnosed because it's not considered serious, it's "just teen angst." But in reality, it's not the severity of the situation that necessarily matters, it's the reaction to it and the feelings that a person has.
So, to put this is graphical terms (not sure if that makes sense...), I will show you a little what we're doing in math. The y variable (verticle line) depends on the x variable (horizontal line).
Most people would think that that the situation a person is in goes on the x axis and therfore affects the emotion on the y axis. I think that's true initially. But then I think it flips, so that the emotion and the mindset affects the situation. Becoming depressed can affect your entire life, in school, out of school, all the time.
Example: A bad day caused by small things (like forgetting your lunch) can affect you emotions. But if you wallow in those emotions and let them eat away at you, then the emotion stats affecting your situation. Maybe you don't do your homework that night because you're just upset. And the next day you don't go to school. Now the emotion is affecting your situation/life.
Bottom Line: Teens all have moments when they just complain. What's important is to differentiate between those times and the times when it really gets serious. Anyone can get depressed; it doesn't take a tragedy. Don't assume your child is okay because he or she doesn't have a "big problem" in life. "Teen Angst," which by the way, definitely isn't a condition restricted to teens, stems from insecurity. So the best thing that you can do for us it show us how much you love us.
More on depression later.
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